i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
