Acid is not a monday night drug
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
