Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
