he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
