I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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