i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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