if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
