why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
