Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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