yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
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