My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
