that's an acceptable place to lick
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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