You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
