Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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