A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
3 2 1 whiskey
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
