first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
