first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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