in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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