I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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