he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
