i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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