operation harelip BJ is a go
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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