I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
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