in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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