you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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