plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize