You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
