I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
