Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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