i may or may not be watching the land before time
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
