I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
