In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
