I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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