Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
