K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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