the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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