He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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