Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
