you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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