i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
