Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
