How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
