Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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