Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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