I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
