yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize