They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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