if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Randomize
