Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
