strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
whose parrot is this?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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