WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
