I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
