I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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