ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
