Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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