yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize