Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
