I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Girls should come with a carfax report
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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