I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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