And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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