She announced her abortion via fbk
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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