if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
