i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
