You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
