Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
