Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
