Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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