I like to think it a success when the cops are called
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
How external is "for external use only"?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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