I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
