i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
