I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize