never play flip cup with pint glasses
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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