the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
