Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I would ride that face into the sunset
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
