so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
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