I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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