GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
