Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
