PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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