ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
