I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
My liver just had a heart attack.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
