Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
