please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Your dad touched me again.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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