We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
