If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
