my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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