Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
