jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I love you.
Bad choice
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
