After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize