hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
