i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
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