Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I think your dad took our porno
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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