Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
