sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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