Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
