So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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