I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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