i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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