I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
