On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
