does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
