mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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