I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
