Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Randomize