YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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