Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
