I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
