now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
