my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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