i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Randomize