Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
