erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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