What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize