so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
